A year in reflection

Wow it's been more than a year now since my accident. I think if I had managed to only paralyze myself this would not be so bad. In fact, I think I truly would be enjoying the wheelchair. The loss of my sigh however has added so much complexity that I can't begin to explain it. I've learned to get around in the house in my chair, but I can't go anywhere alone. Cathy and I were out once and she saw a young girl using a cane coming up out of the subway and heading down the street by herself. I know that can never be me. I love feeling my legs and not being able to feel that, even my pussy being numb, but I so wish I could see them. I wish I could see how I look in this chair, and I miss seeing Cathy so badly. In the house we had to arrange the furniture in groups so that I have clear paths with nothing that could be knocked over exposed lol! I tried to feel my way along the walls, use the tables and sofa's as I feel my way thru the house. I tried using a cane in my chair, but it is just so awkward having to push with both hands. Finally the therapists helped me with a chair set up for hemiplegics. I has two push rims on the left side, one slightly smaller than the other. I'm able to grip both with my hand and propell my chair using only my left hand, and then use my cane with my right hand to feel my way around. OMG I could never have imagined how hard this would be. Over this year, I've learned to read braille pretty well. I now read about 20 words per min, sometimes more. I have learned to cath myself, but still need help cleaning myself after the bowell program. That's so fun! All in all, I'm probably about as independent as I'll ever be. I've had zero return in my vision or my legs. I am so thankful now that I did not lose the use and feeling in my hands. If I had, I'd be in a nursing home for sure! I've learned to eat, brush my teeth and hair, wash myself and even prepare some simple meals. Our food is mostly marked with braille stickers now so I know what it is by feel. Well Cathy has been amazing. I don't think she ever imagined this scenario either or how much demand it would put on her. We both figured I'd be in a chair, and that was that. She's been a trooper though and I could not have made it without her love and support. So.....tonight while she's out, I'm going to prepare a meal for her and suprise her with her favorite wine! I roll into the kitchen, fold my cane and place it in the bag on the back of my chair. I then feel my way along the countertop to the cabinet where the box of pasta and jar of sauce are that I need to get started, and set those on the countertop. Feeling along the countertop, I find the cooktop and feel in the cabinet under it for a large pot. I place the large pot on my lap and head toward the sink. Then I hear a loud clank and reach down feeling that the pot has falled off my lap. I get my cane out and feel along the floor until I find the pot, then roll over, put away the cane and reach down and grope until I find the pot with my hand, then place it back on the countertop and move it as I roll along using the countertop as a guide. Finally I come to the sink and fill the pot with water, then lift it and set it back on the counter and slide it back to the cooktop. Finally! I get it on the burner and turn the eye on to get it boiling. My hearing has become more sensitive in the past year to compensate for my sight. I get the pasta box and open it and move back toward the cooktop. As I hear the water begin to boil, I carefully drop the pasta into the pot. Being very careful not to touch the pot. I can hear that some of it falls on the cooktop, but I do the best I can. Next, I set a timer that we have with braille markers on it and wait for it to boil 15 minuites. Then I turn off the heat and let it sit to cool before I can move it. I've found as I cook hot things, I cannot deal with them when they are hot. Simply too risky as I often drop things either on myself or the floor. I get a collinder from the cabinet and place it in the sink. I find hear the clock chime and know Cathy will be home soon. Dragging the large pot accross the countertop again I strain the pasta and rinse it, and leave it to drain while I get a bowl to put it in. I hear Cathy's car pull in, so I go to meet her at the door so she doesn't come in and spoil the suprise. When she comes in, we kiss and exchange greetings. She says she wants to freshen up and get into something more comfortable. I encourage that but tell her to stay out of the kitchen, I have a suprise. While she's changing, I get the past in the bowl and pour the sauce on it and mix it up well. I put some for each of us in a bowl and stick them in the microwave to warm. Our microwave has braille stickers on it, so I can program it to heat up the servings. When they finish, I get a couple of dish towels and lay them on my lap and set one bowl at a time on them, then pull out my cane and find my way to the dining room. As I leave the last bowl Cathy come into the dining room. Well, what's this she say? What has my little blind crippled maid done for me today! We both laugh I tell her to just sit tight I have one more thing I want to get. She says OK, and I hear her as she moves toward the table. I head back to the kitchen tapping along the wall and thru the doorway. Then I remember the wine glasses are in one of the upper cabinets! Damn it! I can do this I say. Finding my way near the cabinet where they are located, I feel the counter top, making sure it's clear. Then, I strain and strain lifting my lifelell butt as I try to make my way up onto the countertop. My head hits the upper cabinet, making it hard to get leverage. Finally, to my suprise, I am able to get my numb butt onto the countertop. I feel the upper cabinet and find the glass I need and sit them on the counter. Now the hard part. I had not though How hard it would be to get back down from here. I could feel the counter with my hands coming up, but I won't be able to fee the chair as I go down. I think if calling for Cathy's help, but am determined to do this myself. Cahty calls from the dining room. Do you need some help? No I say and lean over feeling for my chair. I find it, and position myself as best I can to where I think I need to be to get down in it. Then the fun begins. I try to twist around and let myself down, but as I do I slip. Cathy hears glass breaking and me crashing to the floor and she quickly comes in. I feel liquid on the floor, obviously I've spilled something. Embarassed as I try to sit myself up Cathy gasps and says baby, don't move! Lay still! I can tell there is panic in her voice. I'm fine I say, I just knocked something off the counter and spilled something. But she instists. Baby, she says, you've hurt your legs badly, I'm calling 911.