Accepted

We discussed at great length my attraction to her, her wheelchair and other disabled girls. I am not sure when it began, but I realized I had felt that way for a long long time. Now, getting to know Cathy, and being so close to her, learning about what she had to deal with and how she did it, only enhanced those feelings. And, yes, in fact, even developed those into feelings of wanting to experience that myself.
Cathy let me start using her extra wheelchair more and more often. I was in it all the time when I was at her house. Most times when we went out I'd use it.
As we discussed my feelings about quadriplegics, Cathy had an idea! Her parents were going out of town for a week, and she wanted me to stay with her. Of course, I stayed with her often but this was to be different she said. This time, I'd be a low quadriplegic! My heart lept!
The week was simiply amazing. She and I made utensil cuffs from cardboard and tape. They weren't the greatest thing in the world, but they worked. Cathy did not use a catheter often. She prefers to simply wear a diaper, but she has catheters and does occasionally wear them. She let me use one that week. I spent the entire week in the chair. Didn't walk one single time! Used the utensil cuffs for everything from brushing my teeth and hair, to eating and writing. Being a "new quad", cathy had to empty my leg bag. OMG that was THE MOST AMAZING WEEK!!!!
When the week was over and it was time to return to the real world, the AB world, I found it awkward walking. It was like I had to concentrate to do it. Also, using my fingers was the same way. It was almost as if I'd become accustom to using my fists and palms in that short week. I could not imagine how it would feel to go longer. I started studying videos of quadriplegics. Here are just a few of my very favorites.



I talked about that with Cathy at length over the next several months. She was very helpful, offering me her thoughts, feelings and experiences.
Finally, I decided I had to approach this with her. I told her I had something to talk to her about and I hoped she would not be upset or angry with me. She was curious. I said, "Cathy, you have been such an awesome influence in my life. I want to be like you". She just smiled. I thought you were heading down that road. She asked if I had something in mind. I explained to her that I had thought maybe a dive into the shallow end of her parents pool. I want to be a quad for sure I said. "Mel, you know there are no guarantees with anything like that. What if something goes wrong and you end up on a vent", she paused, "or worse". Cathy did tell me she'd had feelings like that herself. She said she often thought perhaps she'd enjoy having her legs amputated just below her knees. Not having feet, only stumps. We talked for a long time about this and the ramifications. Finally, I said, "Cathy, if you think you can pull me up and keep me from drowning, I think we can do this."
Cathy said she'd think about it and made me promise to do the same. "Mel", she said, "I will do anything I can to help you be happy, but just be sure you think this thru". I agreed, and we left it at that.