After lunch

Well Cathy came back and fed me lunch, but she made it clear that was the last meal she would feed me. She said I have to learn to do this myself. I know she's right. After I ate, she has been helping me with my braille. OMG I don't know if I can do this! It is so hard. I'm trying to get A-J Basically, that's it. If I can learn those, they are also numbers 1-0, and K-T, and then U-Z, except W has a special character. OMG how am I ever going live like this.

Cathy is taking my hand and placing my finger on a letter, making me feel it, then telling me what it is. One small bump, A, two - one under the other, B, two beside each other, C.

I was so going to enjoy being in the wheelchair, seeing myself in the mirror wheeling around. Seeing my atrophied legs, and I was hoping hands as well. I would never have done this had I ever thought I would lose my sight! Now I've lost my sight and the use of my legs. Cathy has touched me and helped me touch myself when I was sitting up in the bed and could, but I felt nothing. I had been excited about seeing that, but now I can't even see it.

I hate sitting up. I have no feeling in my bottom, or my legs, and being unable to see, I feel like I'm going to fall over when I sit up. Of course the hard brace I'm in keeps my body stiff and upright, but it also inhibits the sensations. I keep pushing on the chair arms until my arms tire. What am I going to do!